The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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