Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize