she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They took my balls.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
