You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
