im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
