there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
