I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
