So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
