So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize