go do what you do best...puke behind churches
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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