If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
