Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
