I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
