As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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