She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
