I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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