I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
