Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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