I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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