I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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