Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
