Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
