remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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