You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
