the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
