I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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