Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
