Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
