currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
