Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
