So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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