I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
