I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
