What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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