I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
