Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
