If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
