So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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