guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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