Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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