My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
