i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When are your genitals available?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
