I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
