I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did i walk over a car last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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