Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
