How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
