is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
