): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
