Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
