so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
