Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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