I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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