ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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