Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
