I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
