you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
