I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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