He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
