Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
