dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
