haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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