No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
