More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
