If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
