I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
