The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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