I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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