So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
