you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
