and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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