I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
