his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
