On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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