WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
