I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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